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Marketing sticks, carrots and spanking paddles

by Jon on January 19, 2012

Get marketing… or else!

Yup. The ol’ “carrot and stick” approach can work… but I find the Spanking Paddle to be far, far more effective.

See, just to follow on from yesterday’s “write a €1,000 cheque to someone you hate” tip, I’d like to share with you the comment one of the Inner Circle Members, Sarah Dougan, made in response to it AND the guy who posed the original question:

Hello X
Welcome to the group!
Here’s a candid response. Prior to joining the Business Supremacy group, I hired a number of marketing and business development consultants who ‘fleeced’ me. They were greedy, unscrupulous and incompetent.
Such was the nastiness of the experience, that when I meet anyone who’s a ‘marketing / business development guru’, my natural instinct is to stick a crucifix in their face and munch a clove of garlic. I regard them as a bunch of vampires who suck the contents of bank accounts and leave their victims feeling drained and embittered.
The email from your coach triggered alarm bells for the reasons cited by others as well as my own experience. Your coach may be the genuine article; but I can’t say I was impressed by the quality of his pitch.
When Jon sent emails inviting me to join the group, my initial reaction was, ‘here we go again’. I decided to place the cynicism aside and give him the benefit of the doubt as his emails were compelling, he came across as a decent chap and his monthly fee is extremely low risk. So I joined the group.
Result: it’s the best business investment I’ve made.
Here’s a quick example. A few weeks ago, I took part in one of the teleconference calls and I made a throwaway remark about a recent incident in my business. Jon and the others advised me to write a press release about the incident. Jon also threatened to run after me with a ‘spanking paddle’ (if in doubt, have a peek at some of the items in his sex toys shop) if I didn’t take action…
Dreadful images of me, Baldy and a great big spanking paddle (as well as looking daft in front of other group members) prompted action that delivered results. I’ve now been invited to speak at an international conference hosted by the MoD, the Cabinet Office, GCHQ and ‘captains of industry’ about how e-learning can be used as a countermeasure to the risk of fraud and computer-related crime. The audience will include directors from international police, law enforcement and security agencies.
Jon’s challenge worked with me and helped me tackle a tendency to put things off. If I were you, I wouldn’t hesitate in accepting his offer and encouragement to take action. And if you require names of some absolutely vile characters who may be eligible for the 1000 euros, I’ll happily supply the details of the marketing consultants who fleeced me…
Good luck!
Sarah Dougan, http://www.esecurityexchange.com

Now, this was completely unsolicited. But it’s a pretty awesome testimonial, even if I say so myself.

OK, let me be frank about something: I can’t promise you the same opportunity Sarah had in her business (I didn’t create it — I just spotted it for her); and I can’t promise to come after you with a spanking paddle, no matter how naughty you are or how nicely you ask me.

But what I can promise is this: when you join me and the other Members in the Inner Circle you’re getting access to some pretty clever and experienced people who are more than willing to share their knowledge, and not-so-gently push you along.

What’s more you’ll get loads of extra stuff, including free access to my new Look Over My Shoulder programme, and loads more shit I can’t even bring to mind at the moment.

Candidly, if you really think I’m one of those slimy, greedy, unscrupulous and incompetent guru-scumbags and Sarah’s words haven’t given you that warm and squishy feeling in your underpants, then maybe you’d be better off unsubscribing and having nothing more to do with me.

But if anything I’ve said has helped you or given you that metaphorical kick up the arse… then maybe you’d do well just to give my Inner Circle a try, eh?

Listen…

You don't even have to go to the website

You can simply click the link below and it’ll forward you straight to Paypal’s magic secure servers where you can set your subscription up with no hassle:

http://www.businesssupremacy.ie/join-me-now

And if for some unlikely reason you don’t like it, for any reason or no reason at all, you can cancel at any time. No minimum subscription, no minimum term.

Life’s too short to keep you doing something you don’t wanna do.

So here’s the super-simple NO risk “join me now” link:

http://www.businesssupremacy.ie/join-me-now

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Moaning Minnies and mollycoddling... plus a naked and uncensored million-groat tip

by Jon on January 18, 2012

Every now and then I get an email from some Moaning Minnie or other complaining about the fact I don’t give him enough “meat” in my free email tips.

Hmmm.

Methinks they’re actually a bit slow on the uptake and are the kind of people who really wants a mollycoddling rather than educating, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

So, today, here’s a tip I gave to my Inner Circle yesterday. Here it is — the whole thing, naked, unabridged, undiluted and uncensored.

Just a bit of context: the fellow asking the question is pondering the wisdom of dropping $5,500 on a six-month stint with a “business coach” because he’s just not getting round to implementing the marketing stuff he’s currently getting from the guy.

The idea is the “one on one” coaching will make him get his arse into gear.

Here’s my answer:

The price itself isn’t the issue, in my book. I’ve paid someone $6,000 for 3 hours phone time (and used only one hour of it), and it paid for itself more than 3 times over inside 21 days.
But that was because I took action. And to my way of thinking, that’s what you’re lacking: action. Certainly as a part of this group and then a part of the other group, you ain’t short on knowing.
You’re short on DOING.
So here’s an idea:
Write out a plan and post it here. There are over 60 very smart people here to help you with every possible aspect of your marketing you can imagine.
Then write a cheque for €1,000 to your LEAST favourite politician’s campaign and send it to me.
I’ll keep it for 6 months and if you haven’t stuck to the plan, I’ll send it to them; if you have, I’ll send it back to you.
That way, if you don’t stick to your plan, you’ll lose only €1,000. But if you DO stick to it, it won’t have cost you a penny, let alone $5,500.
No kidding: the thought of your public commitment to this group AND that €1,000 going to someone you don’t like will spur you on like nothing else.

Now, this is a tip you can take straight to the bank.

Just one important thing, though: the beneficiary of the cheque has GOT to be someone or some cause you really can’t stand, and you’ll do well to make the deal very public.

So, why does it work?

Because most of us can drop $5,500 on a “guru” or a progamme, do nothing and then justify it in some way.

We’ve probably all done it. I have, I know.

But none of us could easily stomach (very publicly) giving €1,000 to some person or cause we revile. As a species, we HATE to look foolish (apparently the only punishment the Eskimos had for theft and other crimes was for the whole tribe to point at the perp and just.… laugh at him).

And here’s the thing: if you’re procrastinating, prevaricating and dilly-dallying and not getting round to implementation, implementation, implementation, and yet you resist putting this tip to work for you right now… then the reason is you KNOW you’re simply not going to “do the doings”… which in turn should also tell you the $5,500 option is almost certainly going to be a big waste of money.

And $5,500 will get you over 7 years’ membership of my Inner Circle, just for a bit of perspective.

Of course, you might not like my answer.

I mean, I’m not showing a lot of empathy or tree-huggery.

Maybe you’d prefer it if I drew some fancy charts and did some NLP jigger-pokery to validate your feelings and find out if you were bullied by your neighbour’s chinchilla as a child.

But that’s my style, and while it’s what the Inner Circle love me for, it ain’t to everyone’s taste, to be sure.

You either love the Evil Bald Genius or you hate him (and there are two kinds of people in the world: people who love me, and people with poor taste)

Hey, no worries, though: if I’m not to your taste, then there are loads of greedy, unscrupulous and incompetent (to quote another member) “gurus” out there who’ll tell you what you want to hear… just so long as you keep handing over your dough.

But if you like a bit of “tough love” and straight talk, then Baldy’s yer man.

So grab my free tips.

Do it now.

You know you want to.

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What rampaging bullocks in your garden can teach you about business

January 10, 2012

Oné of the most surreal things you can ever see out of your office window is a man chasing bullocks around your garden. I speak from experience, because that’s exactly what happened on Saturday. There I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business and herd of bullocks goes charging past my window, closely […]

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